At a loss

It's been so long and I've tried to write many, many times.  (3 times today alone)  But I just don't know what to write.  Everything I'm thinking is just so hard to articulate.  I've started posts about words from parents at school, posts on having flashbacks to the numbness after we lost Connor, posts about grief and Christmas and the new year and jealously.  But I can't get anywhere with them.  I'm hoping I can get somewhere soon...