As I usually do on the 19th of the month, Monday morning I watched the clock tick to 11:56am and welcomed Connor into the world 9 months ago. Two minutes later I kissed Colby and said Happy Birthday. Johnny doesn't get it. It's been 9 months, not a year, so not a birthday. He doesn't get why the months and anniversaries are so important... and I can't really explain why, either.
And again this morning I watched 7:08am roll around and said goodbye to Connor while cuddling Colby close. It was a sucky day as always. In some way it made me feel closer to Connor.
I miss him so much. It hurts so much. I need him here with me.