Birthday

So... Colby's birthday is in just over 2 weeks and I have totally dropped the ball on this one.

We still don't know where we are having it... our house is way too small, so we're stuck. That's the only real obstacle, but it's a major one. We can't even do invites without knowing where it will be.

But that aside, I'm really, really, really, really nervous about the party and the day. To any who have lost 1 of a twin pair... how was the first birthday? Any special ideas of how to honor the baby who passed away while still keeping things upbeat for the baby who is here?

Almost 11 months

I haven't updated mostly because I don't know what to say that I haven't already said.

All I've been able to think lately is "I still can't believe it." But I think we've established that that's not going away any time soon.

The past few months have been a crazy whirlwind of school and work and life. Colby's getting bigger. He's more mobile. He's a ton of fun.

But I still can't believe that they were born so early, so tiny, and that we lost Connor. That this is where I am. That I'm left to try to figure out how to move on.

And until I can wrap my head around that completely I don't feel like I'll ever know what to write...